Oh you guys, I am still so scared.
The baby is moving and I'm not in pain, but I am still bleeding and I can't pretend that it isn't totally freaking me out. I can't do anything. I am being a terrible mother to Mary because all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and pray that I don't end up a member of a club that I do not want to belong to.
The baby has a name and space, in our house but more importantly in our hearts, and the thought that he won't be here to fill it is just about more than I can bare.
I talk to him, I already feel like I know him, and I just can't begin to imagine how I would put one foot in front of the other if something happens.
I want my mom. Except there is absolutely nothing she can do and she's on vacation and she will only worry, probably more than me.
I am not one to worry about things before they happen, I try not to invite trouble, but when something starts to go wrong there is a dam in my brain that gives way and all logic flows out to be replaced by thoughts of every bad thing.
5 comments:
Honey, I have no idea what to say that would make you feel better, I know nothing would. But please take care of yourself and take it one day at a time.
I can't even tell you not to worry, since I would be FREAKING THE FREAK OUT. Can you call the OB? They're used to weekend/evening calls. I would call, and I am a HUGE hand-wringer about "bothering the doctor." I know she just saw you yesterday, but if I were you I think I'd take them up on the offer of that ultrasound now. Not because I'd think there was something wrong, but because I'd be hoping for them to say something like, "Oh! It's just ____."
Swistle is right - you can call your OB - there is someone on call for your doctor. However, they aren't going to be able to tell you anything over the phone. Go up to the hospital that you are planning on delivering at, and get checked out. Even if it turns out to be nothing, at least then you will feel better. Let them monitor the baby and you and put your mind at ease. Believe me, people come in ALL the time - it's not a big deal, and it's always better to be safe than sorry!
Thinking of you and your little guy. As was previously noted, I hope you were able to go to the hospital to be checked and monitored.
Hugs!
I'm throwing my vote in the call the doctor category. Arrange to go in and get an ultrasound. It's a pain and it will take most of the day, but it is worth it to do it now. I love you!
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