The first boy I ever loved. The first boy who kissed me. The first boy who broke my heart and then became a really wonderful friend.
That boy is getting married next Saturday.
I could probably dedicate and entire constance blog to the story of me and that boy.
We have been through a lot and I thought we were still friends.
But he is getting married on Saturday and he didn't even tell me about it.
And that's what hurts. I can't believe he never told me he was engaged. His mom told me.
And I really want to email him and tell him how sad and hurt I am that I wasn't an important enough friend to him to be told about his engagement. BUT that doesn't seem very appropriate the week before the wedding.
AND I guess it would be weird for me to send a card or a gift, as neither member of the couple told me about the wedding, and that feels weird too.
There is no way any other person I have known for so much of my life (almost 25 years) would get married and I wouldn't acknowledge it.
So I am sad about that this week. And I'm also feeling pathetic for feeling sad about it.
Blech.
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8 comments:
I would feel blechy about it, too. My high school boyfriend got married without telling me---and we're supposedly friendly and in touch.
I'm sorry for you about this.
Even though you all were friends, I still think men view friendship differently than we do, especially in a relationship like yours. He may have thought on some level this would hurt you (even though he indirectly hurt you anyway by not telling you) and was just trying to spare your feelings.
On the other hand, men are idiots, and he's a man, so there's that too.
I hear what you're saying, even though I've always felt weird about staying in touch with my ex-boyfriends, even the few whom I've known my whole life. He probably feels awkward about contacting you, and who knows, his fiancee may be really possessive and jealous and he doesn't want to upset her. Guys sometimes just don't do anything when they're not sure what to do. I'm sorry you don't get to congratulate him the way you would like to.
I know of several couples who have had big fights about past boyfriends/girlfriends, including accusations that there are still some dormant feelings there, and so have instituted strict "no communication with the exes" policies. Definitely no inviting of exes to the wedding. So is it possible it was one of those kind of situations? Maybe it was how affectionate he was when talking about you that caused him to be forbidden to tell you about the engagement or invite you to the wedding!
Guess what, friends or not, you aren't the focus of his life any more, and he doesn't "owe you" any form of communication.
It seems that he doesn't consider you a friend, and NEWSFLASH: boys don't need girls as friends. They don't. It's the way of things.
So hugs, cry some, and move on with it. It's his life, he does his thing-- I'm sorry you're letting it hurt you so much... that really sucks.
Wow. That is QUITE the sympathtic comment above, isn't it? Hmmm. Not sure how to respond to that.
BUT, I don't blame you for having hurt feelings over this. You wouldn't be YOU if it didn't bother you; I know how much you cared about this person for most of your life.
I can only guess but perhaps anonymous has been in a similar situation but was the spouse? Otherwise, what an odd response.
Anyway - When people are friends, they tell one another things. Especially things like life-changing events. When a friend tells me they are getting married it isn't because I'm their sole focus.
I'd feel weird about it, too. It would be easy to over-think, that is for sure!
If he didn't tell you, he may not be the friend you thought he was.
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